Demisexual Vs Pansexual

Over time, the number words and phrases used to describe how people love one another has increased. That’s a good thing! When people are able to adequately describe how they feel or experience sexual attraction, they often feel a sense of affirmation. However, if you grew up in a time when these words simply didn’t exist, you may feel unsure of your understanding.

You’re not alone. People confuse different sexualities and identities. It’s human to make these kinds of mistakes as you are learning to adapt to evolving language. It’s also important to be open to being educated so you can learn what these words and phrases mean.

Two words that are frequently misused and misunderstood are demisexual and pansexual. Let’s take a look at the differences and similarities between the two.

What is Demisexual

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which the person only experiences secondary sexual attraction. In this case, they only feel sexual attraction after they have developed an emotional bond with the other person.

This sexual orientation is part of the asexual spectrum. This is because demisexual people experience sexual attraction at lower rates than other people. However, it is important to understand that not every person to identify with the term demisexual would say they are asexual.

Understanding Attraction

Attraction is simply the way that one person is drawn to another, and what motivates that. A person can be:

• Sexually attracted

• Romantically attracted

• Emotionally attracted

• Spiritually attracted

• Aesthetically attracted

• Physically attracted

Often, people feel people types of attraction towards another person all at once. With someone who is demisexual, think of it as a sequence. First, they are emotionally attracted. Then, they may feel sexually attracted. At the same time, they may also experience any of these other types of attraction too! To demonstrate this, think about someone who is asexual. They can experience all of these attractions – except for sexual.

Sexual Attraction And Demisexuals

It can be difficult for some people to understand what it is like to experience secondary sexual attraction the way that a demisexual does. Think of it this way. Many people can see the right person and feel sexually attracted right away. They may not act on it, but they feel it. You probably know people who enjoy one-night stands, hookups, and casual sex. Maybe you enjoy this kind of sexual activity.

Now, imagine someone who simply never feels sexually aroused in that scenario. If they haven’t established a strong emotional bond, there’s just no sexual attraction. Naturally, someone who feels attraction this way is not going to seek out one-night stands or other casual sex. Because this limits how often they will feel attraction, many demisexuals resonate with the term asexual.

Are Demisexuals LGBTQIA+

They are! Demisexual falls under the category of asexual – that’s the “A” in LGBTQIA+. Basically, anyone who is not cisgender or heterosexual falls into that category.

What is Pansexual

A pansexual person is sexually and romantically attracted to people regardless of gender. A pansexual person might be gender-blind. This means they simply don’t notice or consider gender as part of being sexually attracted to someone. Others do notice gender and may have traits that they associate with each gender that appeal to them.

Some pansexual folks are even drawn to some genders more than others. This is similar to a bisexual woman who has a strong attraction to butch women. She is still bi, even though her attraction to the same gender is stronger.

Pan in the word pansexual means all. That makes sense because a pansexual person can be attracted to all genders. That said, it is possible for people within this category to feel sexual attraction in different ways.

How Are Pansexual And Demisexual Similar?

Pansexuality is a sexual identity. So is demisexuality. Additionally, these specific sexual identities have a lot of variation within them. People can have range of feelings when it sexual or romantic attraction, and identify as pan or demi.

The Way People Feel Sexually Attracted Isn’t Binary

Also, both sexualities can exist together, and with other orientations as well. Essentially, these identify what one person finds attractive vs. how that person becomes attractive. For example, a person can be both heterosexual and demisexual. They can be bisexual and demisexual, gay and demi, or lesbian and demisexual too!

Then, there’s a matter of genders. A demisexual person can identify with a variety of genders or none at all. The same is true someone who is pansexual. People who identify as demisexual can also be attracted to just one or multiple genders.

People don’t necessarily fall into neat categories. That’s why a new word or phrase will come up to help people better identify who they are.

How Are Demisexual And Pansexual Different?

Demisexual refers to a sexual attraction that is gained when a person develops an emotional bond with someone. So in a sense, for a person who is demisexual to experience sexual attraction they need to feel an emotional bond with them, such as romantic attraction.

Pansexual refers to people who feel sexually attracted to others without taking gender or gender identity into consideration. So the biggest difference is one focuses on emotional bond, while the other focuses primarily on the potential of gender identity.

Can a Person be both Pansexual and Demisexual?

Yes! Although they are two different types of sexual identity, and people can experience one or the other. Unlike other forms of sexual orientation such as bisexuality, which is its own sexuality. There is a big difference between these two forms of sexual attraction that make it possible for a person to be both pansexual and demisexual at the same time. Demisexual people only feel sexual attraction to others who they have bonded with emotionally. While Pansexual people experience attraction to others but don’t take gender into consideration.

Because of the lack of gender and sexuality between these two things a person can easily be demisexual and pansexual, or bisexual, or gay, or a lesbian. All that really matters is how they get to the point where they consider themselves to be experiencing sexual attraction. This is one of the few examples of sexual orientation in which a person can be two different sexualities at once. However there is no guarantee that it will remain the same in the future.

As we discover new ways to feel sexual attraction to others we begin to figure out new words and phrases to describe our sexual attraction to others. Before bisexual became a commonly used phrase many people who would feel sexual attraction to both men and women would essentially describe themselves as being half gay, and half straight. But now, we use bisexual to describe anyone who claims to feel sexual attraction to more than one gender identity.

So while there is not an exact phrase for a pansexual person who needs to have an emotional bond with someone before they feel sexual attraction, or a demisexual person who will experience secondary sexual attraction with a person of any gender identity, there might be a phrase for this in the future. Until then, those people may simply say that their sex attraction or identity is both pansexual and demisexual.

A Test to Help Determine Your Sexuality

At this point we understand that people who are demisexual are those who only develop feelings of sexual attraction to those they have a strong emotional connection with. These forms of emotional connection are almost always positive.

If you are unsure if you are demisexual or not, you can always take a demisexuality test, these types of tests can help to examine a person’s relationship, how it developed, and what made them sexually attracted to someone. This test will help you determine if you feel attraction to them because of a close emotional bond, or if there were other factors to determine why you feel attraction to them.

Here is a short test of our own to help you determine whether your relationships are based on deep emotional connection or sexual preference. There aren’t any right or wrong answers, these and can be considered to be just an example or set of examples of how people may answer the questions there are.

Question 1: Did you develop an emotional bond before developing a sexual relationship with them?

A: Yes, we had developed a close friendship before the idea of a relationship even came up

B: No, we were essentially strangers when we chose to form a sexual relationship with each other.

C: Yes, we dated casually for a bit and developed romantic feelings for each other before we chose to become sexual partners

D: Yes, however I had a strong feeling of sexual attraction I couldn’t really explain before we became friends with each other.

Question 2: Did Gender or Gender ID Take Part in Your Consideration For a Partner?

A: Yes, when it comes to sexual attraction gender and gender identities do play a significant role in my ability to choose a partner. However even though I have always identified as a lesbian the feeling of an emotional bond such as friendship or any other kind of relationship is more important to consider.

B: No, when it comes to romantic and sexual desire gender is something I rarely consider.

C: We were friends for a long time before we entered a romantic relationship with each other, and when I look at them I don’t think my desire for them would change even if their gender or gender identity was different.

D: No, If find that when it comes to aesthetics almost everyone looks good whether they are strangers or friends. However I do find that it’s a lot easier to get into a romantic relationship in general before getting into a sexual one.

Question 3: Was Your Partner a Significant Part of Your Life before you Developed an romantic or sexual feeling towards them?

A: Yes they had been a part of my life for a few years before we started to date.

B: No, we were essentially strangers when we met but we just clicked so the feelings of sexual attraction became romantic attraction as well in short period of time.

C: It can be hard to explain at times, however we did have a close connection with each other before we started to date. We started off as casual acquaintances who met through friends and we developed a pretty strong emotional connection before either of us realized we were sexually attracted to each other.

D: No we were essentially strangers when we met, but we couldn’t deny that we did feel sexual attraction to each other. The emotional connection came later on for us.

Question 4: What Has Made You Interested in Sexual & Romantic Relationships in The Past?

A: Talking to someone and making a real connection!

B: I feel sexual chemistry with such a wide range of people. Sometimes, it’s emotional stuff like getting to know one another. Sometimes, it happens right off the bat.

C. It isn’t necessarily one thing. I know most people have a specific category of genders, sexual orientations, or just personality types that turn them on. I guess I have always liked a variety.

D. I can see something attractive and desirable in a lot of people. But, I just prefer to have something emotional there too. Do you know what I mean?

Question 5: What is Your Level of Sexual Activity

A: I definitely have less sex than most people. But, that’s okay! I would rather make a romantic connection first, and that means things take time.

B: I have very little sexual activity, but that is a personal choice for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have strong sexual urges. I just think sex should wait until other things are in place.

C: Sexual activity is like eating or drinking for me. I think it is a human need, and I can feel attracted to so many people – no matter how they identify.

D: I fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t really feel like having sex until I have romantic feelings. But, I also enjoy sex with a wide range of people. I guess that helps, because my choices aren’t limited by gender.

The Complexity of Sexual Identity

Comparing sexual identities shouldn’t be treated as a competition between two things, or even as a way to categorize your own sexuality – unless you want to do that. Instead, it’s a helpful way to understand the different ways that most people can be attracted to one another. Where we once thought that people were heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual – now we know there is so much more. Now people have words like asexual, demisexual, pansexual, abrosexual, and others to help them identify who they are. That can create a sense of belonging and understanding that can be more meaningful than people realize.